I falter, I cry, I struggle hard and flounder miserably when I recklessly plunge myself into some challenge or another I overestimate myself to be able to handle. But I'd have faith that maybe all this is predestined fate, that everything happens for a reason - that I make choices on the spur of the moment for a reason perhaps as yet unbeknownst but for a reason. For a reason that will make good eventually. Life may deal you the unhappy cards, and at all the low points of your life you feel like scrunching up, burst into tears and simply walk away. But if we continue to keep seeking out a path most comfortable for ourselves and a path where we will never have to struggle, we will never learn, would we. Or at least "learn" as in learn the hard way, as I did at the hands of a bloodsucker professor. After all, what doesn't kill you only makes you grow stronger. And it's up to the individual to make sure that things don't kill you - there should be adequate 'strength from within' to compensate for that in which case. Right. 

No, that does not mean I'm suddenly in love with the environment I'm placed in and the environment I thought myself to be able to adapt to and survive in. Fat chance. But surprisingly enough maybe I detest the school more than the programme. The fish in front of the city pond, haha...transliteration 1o1. In any case, N and F have been godsends. Especially F! :-)

Not that it has really been the shit Pandora's box all the way I guess. I've learnt to be more assertive, more confident (ha), and more sure of what I want. Ironically after seeing for myself repeatedly what it is that I absolutely don't want. Reverse psychology, perhaps. But still, 寻根！

Maybe it's time to be more independent and ironically enough, learn to be more... self-protective.