Wednesday, December 17, 2008
testing 123
alright hands up i concede defeat, blogging is addictive. to put it in a more...palatable manner, perhaps blogging panders to our innate obsessional tendencies. that grows at an exponential rate wrt egotistical narcissism. which reminds me, the assjdgskf math holiday package nearly crushed any little bit of self esteem i had D: but as i'm currently bubbling with optimism with the hours of senseless drama-watching tt i've been devoting my spare time to, i shan't entertain any depressing thoughts abt why i uh yes voluntarily took math at the compromise of KI. and gp ohmy flying bananas.
seems like my vague promise to finish my dec hol package in time for sat's tuition was futile after all. like what i myself have been suspecting, i should really stop being '3 minutes hot'. HA that was a typical transliteration a la orchard-fruit gardens- many things that have piqued my interest in the past, but unfortunately none that have been really sustained in the long term, well, save for harmoc. i'm glad i made the decision to stay on (that's provided they don't kick me out given my abysmal attendance) even though the hering harmoc literally died on me and i kena scammed like, 55 dollars more for that laopokai instrument. love the feel of my new swan harmonica and yes i'll certainly take good care of it. it's a pity we couldn't afford piano lessons when we were younger, but then again, maybe my lack of musical inclination sort of compensates for that huh.
have been following a rather wayward sleep pattern recently i.e. sleeping in wee hrs of the morning and waking up at gone 11am. but that looks set to change starting tmr with cca+yec retreat in the afternoon so all's good. speaking of which, i never want to see any paper planes or knots ever. c'est la vie, maybe life is like a series of knots that we all got to untangle ourselves eh? hm frankly speaking, i've been bringing quite a bit of self-inflicted knots on myself this year, as how last friday ought to hold testimony to. aye aye. life isn't a bed of roses lor, we all got to learn. (cue: but the good die young) and maybe we got to learn the hard way, but at least we'll emerge stronger and more mature at the end of the day. that's what truly matters isn't it - after all, growing up can't really be considered growing up minus all those trials and tribulations that are in a way an inverse inflection of the specific milestones that define each of the phases in growing up.
to be absolutely honest and like what i've told n, i'm actually a little apprehensive about next year. there are responsibilities to execute, indeed, some that i myself have voluntarily signed up for anyway... perhaps like what the shitter of my academic life have been silently telling me, i think too big for my own feet and take on more than i can manage. that has certainly got to change once huangcheng is over next year, yes this time for purely mercenary reasons i.e. the big a'levels that loom ahead. am i confident? my honest answer will not be in the affirmative. and what ought to be more worrying (though judging from the senseless hrs of old drama reruns renwoaoyou omg! i've been putting in these few days) is that i'm not really sufficiently worked up - procrastination has and will always be a vicious cycle, a predator whose grip i'd most unfortunately fallen into this year.
say these two days are a well-deserved break amidst the hectic holiday schedule that permeated beforehand, what with gsc A's, SAT I, work and huangcheng etc. that alone had resulted in harmoc dropping to one of my bottom priorities (think i only attended 2 or 3 hol pracs...) and yec looks set to go the same way too. but at the end of the day, everything is about compromise. knowing one's own limitations (although mr mathematics tells me i'm an idiot who doesn't) etc. what is it that i want? what is it that i'm willing to give? and if i implicitly expect something in return tantamount to what i'm putting in, then am i really giving? or is it an element of self-interest at stake here...
it has been abt 1 month since gsc A's ended. 2 more days of work next wk, and then it'll be christmas. wake up my dear, revv up and get the momentum back. there is too little time left.
jiayou. :)
